Wow! These amazing facts about women will make any man too uncomfortable to fact check

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Did you know that the longest period ever recorded lasted for almost 18 months? Probably not – it’s not true. But at least your patronising male colleague won’t want to Google it to check. Here are some more bogus facts to get his mansplaining urges confused:

53% of women would have a child with their partner within the first six months of a relationship

LOL of course not! Scared the shit out of your boyfriend though, right?

Four out of 10 women got their Mooncup stuck on the first try

We have no evidence to support this, just a strong feeling that no man will want to correct us…

Women aged 18-25 are extremely likely to earn more than their partner by the age of 30

Pay gap, schmay gap! Just kidding, we’re probably still less likely, but it’s good to shake him up about his oh-so-precious household position.

A total of 19 separate muscles are used to push when giving birth

Your bae might want you to have a strong pelvic floor, but when it comes to the thing it’s really designed for, suddenly he’s not so interested. Strange. You would have thought he wanted to hear about your incontinence workouts.

Mansplaining has been voted the least sexy quality in a man

This might actually be true; any men want to let us know?

There you have it: next time you run into that twat, Dean from IT, feel free to use any of these conversation starters. Then just sit back and enjoy the combined smell of insecure masculinity conflicting with an overwhelming desire for power.

Olivia Phipps

Olivia works as a freelance something-or-other in TV comedy, and has made tea on some of the very best (and utter worst) shows on telly. She also does bits and pieces for the British Comedy Guide and the Comedian’s Comedian Podcast. She hopes that her writing will have more clarity than this bio.