Love & sex

Incredible! Handsome crush actually texts with correct grammar

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A Liverpool woman is in a state of disbelief this week as her incredibly handsome crush continues to use correct grammar and spelling in all of his texts.

Retail manager Sinead Lawton, 28, was initially impressed by 30-year-old Oliver Thomas’ chiseled physique after his shirt accidently rose up when he was trying on a jumper in her pop-up streetwear store. The pair struck up flirty conversation and eventually exchanged numbers, but with such a banging body and boyish charm to boot, Sinead was sure a poor grasp of grammar would be Oliver’s downfall.

“Let’s be honest, a sound understanding of linguistic conventions is sometimes just too much to ask – especially from a Scouse carpenter who’s build like a bloody Greek god,” she said.

Sinead’s fears, however, were unfounded and it seems she’s stumbled upon the elusive golden trifecta of good genes, sparking charm and solid semantic understanding.

In fact, messages from Oliver have not only been easy to understand and syntactically impeccable, they’ve also consistently employed the correct use of “your” and “you’re”.

However, while Sinead was initially thrilled with the discovery, she’s since grown suspicious of the tradesman.

“There’s something not right,” she said. “If it’s not the grammar, it’s got to be something else.”

Upon further investigation, it seems Oliver is heavily invested in an MLM scheme for organic protein shakes – however, upon hearing the news, Sinead was skeptical.

“Look, he knows what a split infinitive is, okay? Come back when he’s killed a puppy or bought a personalised license plate.”

Nicola Middlemiss

Nicola is a journalist in Sydney and usually writes about business and employment for a living. Originally from the North East of England, everyone always assumes she’s Scottish and nobody can quite believe how pale she is.