Health & Fitness

Clever! This three-month pregnant woman is suddenly a fertility expert

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“I never really thought about a career in medicine until I managed to get myself pregnant,” explained 32-year-old Alice Briggs, as she gazed out of the window, sipping wistfully on a camomile tea, “but I guess some things just choose you.”

Sitting in her Borehamwood home, three-month-pregnant Alice elaborated on her newfound fertility expertise, which has automatically been bestowed upon her since conceiving.

“My husband and I managed it after a second month of trying. It was touch and go there for a while, but we did it. Just goes to show, you can do anything you set your mind to.”

“I have some friends who have been trying for years and years. If only they knew that they just need to relax and let it happen, like I did. When I tell them that, they feel pretttty silly.”

“Also, despite what they might tell you, I do know just how they feel. That one month I didn’t get pregnant, I was really upset. I call it my brush with infertility.”

“Since I discovered that I’m a fertility expert, I’ve been prescribing things left, right and centre. Have they been having sex often enough? Did they lift their legs up afterwards like I did? Oh, and some stuff about acupuncture.”

Sara Gibbs

Sara is editor-in-chief of Succubus. Sara studied Writing & Producing Comedy at the NFTS and has written for The Now Show, Dead Ringers, The News Quiz, The Daily Mash and The Mash Report. Sara makes it her business to be at least five years behind the latest trends, so she can devote more time to her Tamagotchi.