Love & sex

The top five Radiohead albums according to some guy I’m ghosting

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From early guitar rock to experimental electronica, Radiohead has an unparalleled oeuvre, according to some dude that will not leave me alone no matter how many times I leave him hanging. I can’t remember how we even got onto music, I think he may have just started talking about this Oxford-based five-piece completely unprompted. So here are their top five albums, with direct quotes and reviews from a man who I shall not be meeting up with again in a hurry:

5) OK Computer

“This album usually dominates usual such countdowns in the music press. Thom Yorke’s wails against the rise of technology feel particularly prescient in our testing modern times. Anyway, I really enjoyed our date the other night, maybe next time you can come back to mine?”

4) A Moon Shaped Pool

“Their latest effort was a crystallisation of everything Radiohead have brought us over the years. Truly a tour de force. I’m sorry if you’re upset with me. TBH I’m not really sure what I’ve done. I miss you.”

3) The Bends

“This was Radiohead at their guitar-heavy best, with some of their classic tracks and I’ve just bought a new phone in case my texts weren’t getting through to you, the Carphone Warehouse man said this would definitely work, any better?”

2) In Rainbows

“Lydia, it’s girls like you who give feminists a bad name. Just text me back FFS, even if you never want to see me again. The time signature in album opener 15 Step is really unorthodox, I think you’d like it.”

1) Kid A

“I’m not here, this isn’t happening. Lyrics from the song How to Disappear Completely more like HOW YOU’RE MAKING ME FEEL LYDIA, you can’t just lead someone on like this?!!!! We can discuss other things if that’s the problem?! I also LOVE Talking Heads.”

Cameron Loxdale

Cameron is a comedy writer and producer who has written for Newsjack and The Leak, plus a bunch of sketches, podcasts and shorts. His name is an anagram of Relaxed Cool Man, despite him being barely one out of three. The irony of a straight white man offering hot feminist takes is lost on him and it refuses to ask for directions.