80% of academics still dashing

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We’ve always suspected it, but now we know for sure – a new academic report has revealed that eight out of 10 academics are dashing and really quite charming.

The report also confirmed that along with being dashing and charming, academics were debonair, often windswept and also had devil-may-care attitudes.

“It’s all here in the report,” said Dr James Stone, 43. “We’re rakish, jaunty and incredibly witty at dinner parties. We may also flirt with your wives in a highly cultivated, seemingly bumbling and inept way that will make them both admire and want to mother us.”

“And I, personally, am also gallant and swashbuckling, which, outside of academic circles, is something you really don’t see much of, now that Hugh Grant has gone south.”

Adam Baird

Adam is a regular contributor to The Daily Mash, having written over 500 stories for them in the last three years. He can also do a pretty much spot-on John Lennon impression. His formal education stops at 'Unfinished BTEC in Performing Arts.'