Robbed: man who posts sad break up poetry on Facebook furious about being overlooked for inaugural poet laureate

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A Romford man, Dan Cartwright, 28, is absolutely fuming that he’s been “pipped to the post” to be the poet laureate for Biden’s inauguration.

“I couldn’t believe it when I switched on the news,” he said, through gritted teeth and balled up fists. “I should be up there, reading my poem about how much of a bitch my ex-girlfriend is. It’s not fair. I didn’t even know they’d opened applications.”

When asked about his previous poetry experience, Cartwright said, “I’m a regular at all the open mic circuits. I do loads of really good stuff when I read my poems too – like lunge and also swear a lot. It’s really gripping stuff.”

“I should be up there making magic, not sat here watching this all from my parents’ basement. The whole thing has made me so angry I’ve written 3 more poems about it on Facebook.

“Some have upwards of two likes on there so you know they’re good.”

Succubus Magazine

This article was a collaboration between two or more of our in-house writers.