All posts by Zoë Tomalin
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Zoë Tomalin | March 5, 2019
Five easy steps to make pancakes that end with you crying into a weird omelette
It’s pancake day, so obviously you’ve invited some friends over and you’re going to cook something you’ve never...
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Zoë Tomalin | October 30, 2018
Scariest thing about “spooky” Halloween-themed cookie the relentless march of consumerism
That’s right, we live in a dystopian nightmare, and maybe you would have noticed if you weren’t busy...
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Zoë Tomalin | October 29, 2018
Former goths struggle not to relapse during Halloween season
As shops fill with spooky decorations, the nation’s ex-goths are fighting the temptation to fall off the wagon...
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Zoë Tomalin | July 17, 2018
Science confirms periods are just getting worse and fucking worse
A study has found that PMS, cramps and period shits are an absolute joke. Scientists spoke to 200...
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Zoë Tomalin | June 5, 2018
Freelancer quits job to concentrate on signing for neighbours’ parcels
A freelance writer from Seven Sisters has packed in her job to focus on signing for every Amazon...
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Zoë Tomalin | June 4, 2018
Woman who cooked correct serving of pasta without measuring it burned as a witch
An engineering student from Crouch End has been burned at the stake following reports that she correctly estimated...
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Zoë Tomalin | June 1, 2018
Smear test reveals woman’s cervix has been subject of slanderous article in Daily Mail
The cervix of a London-based IT consultant has been accused of going on a drugs and alcohol-fuelled bender in...
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Zoë Tomalin | April 5, 2018
Five email notification sounds to try now the default one gives you heart palpitations
Has every trill of the iPhone notification sound set your heart racing since you got that career-ruining email...
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Zoë Tomalin | April 5, 2018
Clueless! This millennial thinks she can get job with only the relevant skills, experience and hard work
A London-based graphic design graduate has been labelled an “avocado-guzzling waste of space” after she audaciously suggested she...
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Zoë Tomalin | April 4, 2018
Woman who dyed own hair at home not emotionally devastated by results
A shop assistant from Glasgow is reported to have “barely cried” when she saw the results of her...